We Need New Verbs.

I put in my notice at my job yesterday. It's the second time I've done it at the same job.

The first time was April 2016. I had just received my acceptance email to nursing school, and I excitedly turned to my boss (who was my friend before she was my employer), and squeaked, "I'm giving you my two years' notice!"

She laughed and hugged me.

Yesterday, I gave my official last day - one day before Mother's Day, two days before pinning - and found myself surprised by a slight mist of tears over my eyes.

The job found me in a particularly vulnerable state: I had decided to stop actively pursuing gigs, was in Virginia with my mom, and sort of fell into the position. It was a far cry from the "glamorous" performance life, was often humiliating and frustrating, but it was important.

There are parts of life that taught me how to metaphorically "take a punch". (Not many that literally taught me, yet.) From the America's Got Talent debacle, to sweeping floors and fetching lunch, I've been able to demonstrate my ability to (usually) stay calm. Hopefully that can carry me through the next few months.

Live footage of me living my best life, without Howard Stern's saltiness

I've always been a jump-with-two-feet sort of gal. I don't necessarily hesitate to think of potential risks of a scenario; I just "take a breath and do it", like Norah once said. One day I woke up, turned to Phil, and said, "I think I want to learn how to fly trapeze." I thought of it, manifested it, and had a blast learning.

Don't ever ask me to get into that position again

I didn't think about the repercussions of falling. I didn't imagine scenarios of missing a catch (though I failed over, and over, and over). I saw myself as a person learning; someone who, worst case scenario, would have landed on the net with a couple of rope burns and a great story.

And the occasional gnarly tear

But, here's the catch: in ten weeks, I'm sort of flying without a net. I'm starting over as something completely new. My boss said, "Are you excited?" 

"Sort of terrified and happy. Happified?"

Is there a word in English that combines apprehension with joy? 

Here's a visual of apprehension and joy, though Norah is more cautious than her mom

In other news, nursing pins have been selected, graduation has been registered for, and BSN placement is 98% secured. All that's left is five more exams in nursing school, and that pesky NCLEX.

Is there a word in English for the dichotomy of anxiety and confidence?

Baby Nursing Student - Day One of School (notice how pressed my scrubs are)

Watching the clock count down to pinning, to the end of what seemed endless, reminds me of the last month of pregnancy. You're astonished by how slow time moves, and while you're complaining to your husband that the curvature of the earth has made minutes last longer, suddenly you're in the hospital with a spinal and a baby being carved out of you.

Was that extra? That felt extra.

I've been ardently asking Siri "How many days until May 14?" If Siri was sentient, I'm sure she'd reply with, "You'll get there, Rachel. Stop asking me."

But she's not, so we're here:

71 Days, four hours and about 40 minutes, but who's counting?

At least, I hope she's not. 

Siri, I can explain.